Some days are like: “ONE of us is gonna die: Adventures in Caretaking P.S. it aint gonna be me” (A love story of me and my grammy).
4 May:
HAVING A ROUGH NIGHT AND WANT TO SHARE SOME THOUGHTS… venting might keep me sane… or not…
Grammy’s are NEVER wrong, they are just here to love and be loved. Right?
just sayin….
In a sense, when a person’s life revolves around taking care of another, whether it be a child, an ill loved one, or elderly family member, their life ceases to be their own. The doctor visits, feeding schedules, medicine schedules, etc., consume time that used to be their own. At any given moment, caretakers often reduce their lives to the needs of the loved one for whom they care. However, in order for the recipient to be well cared for, as well as for their own mental/physical health, the caretaker must insist on self-care as a first priority.
It is so difficult to know how to take care of themselves while meeting the needs of another. But if there is a handbook for caretakers, it ought to contain whatever magic trick exists to force them to maintain self-care as a first order.
Here are 10 steps for caretakers to follow that will ensure proper self-care:
1) Create a connection with your community, whether they be family, religious, activity, neighborhood or otherwise.
2) Communicate your role as caretaker to the community members. Accept that you need their help and admit it to them.
3) Ask for volunteers to commit to a “respite gift” chunk of time, as long as they choose and as regularly as they can. During this time, they will take over your role as the caretaker of your loved one.
4) Create a shared e-calendar for all volunteers, using iPhone calendar or whatever other electronic platform works best for everyone.
5) Invite the volunteers to a meal/training session, to thank them and teach them how to care for your loved one. Present them with a thank you gift, however small, to let them know how much you appreciate their help.
6) Set up automatic reminders on the e-calendar, to be sent to you and each volunteer one day prior and one hour prior to the “respite gift” session.
7) Plan ahead for your “respite gift” time. Make appointments and do ONLY things that are life-giving for you during that time.
8) Make what you will do with your next “respite gift” time the focus of your thoughts whenever you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, angry, anxious or depressed. Focus on how wonderful it is that you will get to do “x” when your volunteer arrives, and how great a gift it will be to have a break.
9) Refuse the temptation to feel guilty that you need a break. You are human, and if you don’t give yourself breaks, you will not be able to maintain good care for your loved one. Both of you will suffer if you neglect yourself.
10) Keep your “respite gift” times sacred. No matter what, don’t cancel.
Continue to express your gratitude to the kind members of your community who are helping you, in whatever ways you can.
I know that none of these steps are easy to do, especially when your overwhelmed. However, remember that it’s good to allow others opportunity to give. It fills them with purpose to know they are needed and to meet someone’s need. You connect with their humanity when you allow them to help you, and contribute to the sense of community within your circle.
Comments